Adding a new member to your family is one of life’s biggest joys. The excitement of caring for another and delighting in baby snuggles can be shadowed by the physical and emotional stresses that happen after birth. There are many new emotions to sort through during this exciting new phase of life. Knowing what stress is, where it can come from, how it is triggered, and ways to handle it can be helpful in the early days of parenthood to keep stress at a minimum.
What is Stress?
Stress is a physical and emotional reaction that people experience as they encounter changes in life. It can be physical, mental, or emotional. Stress is a normal feeling, and the response can be appropriate and short-term; however, long-term stress may contribute to or worsen a range of other health problems.
Pressures of Becoming a New Parent
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, and mood swings are the most common conditions that contribute to increased levels of stress, affecting up to 80% of new mothers. These feelings can vary from hour to hour and day to day. Hormone fluctuations, like the reduction of progesterone or estrogen levels returning to normal levels after childbirth, can also trigger a change in emotions. This usually happens within 10 days of postpartum.
Recovery from a c-section or episiotomy repair can make caring for baby a physical burden, a challenge which can add to the level of stress. Lifting restrictions and rest can make caring for an infant more complicated, knowing that healing can be different for everyone. Your doctor or nurse will guide you through this process and let you know how to handle your temporary restrictions.
A baby’s stay in the NICU can also bring a level of concern and feelings that may be hard to manage. NICU nurses not only care for the baby but are trained to teach coping and caring techniques to help parents handle a new baby with medical needs.
Other stressors that affect new parents:
- Poor sleep
- Worries about baby’s health including stressors of breastfeeding
- Insecurities of post-pregnancy body and sexuality
- Disappointment about the quality or lack of support from one’s partner
- Guilt over not bonding with baby
- Financial worries
- Fears of returning to work
- Other children
- Trying to go back to your typical schedule
If stress levels surpass your level of coping and daily tasks become too hard to complete, call us for help. On average 25% of new moms will experience postpartum depression. For more information on postpartum depression, click here.
How to Handle Stressors
Accept any support offered- In general, people experience great well-being and less health complications when the individuals around them are helpful and responsive. Life with a newborn can be a time of immense transition for both parents as they figure out their new roles and identities. Do not minimize your feelings or your experiences. Talk to your partner honestly and set a plan to work as a team; open communication is the key element to a balanced postpartum experience. Reach out to reliable people out of your inner circle for assistance like friends, neighbors, coworkers, or church members.
Get sleep- Sleep when baby sleeps. This may not be new advice to parents but is harder to follow than hear. Short intervals are less restorative than sleeping in longer sessions. If baby is not one to sleep a couple of hours at a time, find someone who can care for your little one so that you can get the quality sleep that you need. Do not feel guilty if you avoid a conversation to catch up on life with a visitor, friendly chit-chat can happen later.
Feel confident in your end decision on how baby gets its nourishment and let go of unrealistic expectations about feeding—fed is best! Breastfeeding takes time and dedication. Milk supply, latching, medications, and work schedules are all factors at play for breastfeeding. Seek out the help from lactation specialists, your obstetrician, or pediatrician if you feel you are struggling with breastfeeding.
Have a practical outlook about your new body- Knowing that your body will not return to pre-baby weight, shape, and strength should be an expectation realized by a new mother and her partner. Factors such as endurance, interest, and lack of sleep will affect exercise programs or sexual activity. While there are many physical and mental benefits to resuming your past activities, you may find that your exercise routine and goals have changed after baby including different forms of exercise. Find what feels right and go with it.
Let go of some house cleaning duties- Keeping a clean and orderly home does not have to be a priority. Clean laundry, dishes, and fresh groceries are necessary. After that, let the small stuff go until you have more time and energy to devote to these tasks. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sharing these responsibilities with your partner can help alleviate some of your stress.
Establish a routine for bonding- Realize that your bond with baby may not be immediate. The lack of initial bonding doesn’t mean you have failed. Bonding takes weeks, even months. Establishing a routine to care for baby builds a sense of security and self-esteem. Skin-to-skin time is a great bonding exercise. Look into baby’s eyes and talk, sing, and smile at them. If baby spends time in the NICU, ask the hospital staff how you can feed and hold baby safely.
Arrange insurance, finances, and work leave before birth- Make sure your health insurance is up-to-date and baby has been added to your plan. Organizing this information should be done before baby is born. The human resource department or case manager at your place of employment can help navigate how to cover a baby under your health insurance plan.
Diapers, food, and everyday baby gear are all extra expenses you never had before pregnancy. Research the cost of these added items and create a postpartum budget and what it will take to cover the costs.
If you are planning to return to work after baby, research care providers while you are pregnant. Use our resource “What to look for in a provider” for guidance on where to start and what to ask.
Divide quality time between all children- Trying to stick to some type of routine is best for everyone. When you have a routine, older kids will know when it is mommy time. Create a ‘feeding basket’ by gathering new and older, forgotten toys in a basket. Have older child select a toy from the basket when baby feeds. The novelty of a new toy may keep them distracted for feeding time.
Sit on the floor with the newborn so that you can interact better with younger children.
Have older siblings help during changing time or sort out laundry and praise them for their efforts.
If you have help, leave baby with your partner or caregiver, and make errand time special for older siblings. Play their favorite song in the car and turn grocery shopping into a treasure hunt game. Recognize that any devoted time to older children is quality time.
Let go of social pressures- If you were a person that had a full social calendar prior to having baby, you may have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) after baby arrives. Take into consideration the schedule of baby as well as making sure you make time for yourself when resuming your social calendar.
Your journey through motherhood is something you should not have to navigate alone. Recognizing and asking for some help or advice is essential to a mother’s health and wellbeing. Understand your stressors and try to keep stress to a minimum. Reach out to your OB-GYN doctor, friends, and family and start a conversation. As always, our goal is to lead women to better health.
At Moreland OB-GYN, we specialize in all women’s healthcare and take the time to listen to your concerns, questions, and needs. Contact us today to schedule an appointment. We look forward to hearing from you.
