Grief and
Bereavement

The emotional and physical expressions of grief are often the most obvious part of mourning. Everyone expresses sadness and loss in different ways. There are some common characteristics, however, that occur when one is experiencing loss and sadness.

Crying, sorrow, and anger are common emotions when dealing with death. Often anger is misdirected, causing conflicts with family members and marital relationships. Feelings of loneliness and desolation can be dangerous to some extent.

If the living feel there is no point going on without their loved one, feelings of suicide can preoccupy their thoughts. These desperate feelings need immediate intervention. It may be normal to think about death and feel left behind when someone close dies, but it can overcome all other emotions and needs immediate attention.

Appetite changes, eating more or much less, may occur.

Sleep may increase or decrease to the point of exhaustion. Survivors may detach from all those around them, including surviving siblings, who become overbearing and unhealthy to both parent and sibling.

These strong emotional and physical symptoms of grief may not occur for all people who experience loss. These symptoms may last as short as a week after the death or may last months or years.

The grieving process varies from person to person in terms of the order in which one experiences the stages of grief, as well as the time it takes to go through the stages. People who are grieving do not necessarily progress in order. Some people may start with anger, while others may start with denial. The stages of grieving are not necessarily a one-time experience. However, each step helps with the healing process. Grief is usually divided into five stages:

• Denial—Denial is a stage where one can try to believe that the death has not occurred. One may feel numb or in a state of shock. Denial is a protective emotion when a life event is too overwhelming to deal with all at once.
• Anger—Anger is a stage in which you are very upset and angry that this tragedy has happened in your family. One of the best ways of dealing with bursts of anger is to exercise or participate in another type of physical activity. Talking with family and friends, other parents who have lost a child, and the hospital staff may also be helpful.
• Bargaining—Questioning God, asking “Why my child?” and “What did we do to deserve this?” are common questions in this stage. Guilt is a primary emotion during this stage. Searching for something that you personally did which could have contributed to the death is all part of bargaining. It is important to remember that usually, there is nothing you or your child did which contributed to the death.
• Depression or Sadness—This is a stage in which the death of a child can no longer be denied and parents and siblings may feel a profound sense of sadness. This is normal. It may be accompanied by physical changes such as trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping, changes in appetite, or difficulty with concentrating on simple daily activities. It is important to talk about depression with a health care professional, such as a social worker or counselor, or join a support group to help you cope with these feelings.
• Acceptance—This is the stage in which you have accepted death and are at a point where it has been incorporated as part of your life. You have made the adjustment to the loss. This does not mean that you will never feel other emotions, but usually, families find that they are better able to manage their lives overall upon reaching this stage. Some resolution has taken place with the child’s death. This may include your religious and cultural beliefs and practices.